Cornbread! Ain't nothing wrong with dat!

I couldn't believe my eyes and ears when I watched VH1 the other day. They had another countdown list type show, probably their billionth one (Hm that'd be interesting "VH1's Top 1 Million Best Lists Featured On VH1") and it was called "VH1's 50 Funniest Moments In Music". What I couldn't believe was this:
I actually agreed with everything on the list
I was shocked! Normally the lists shows has been aggrivating me lately cause they're like "The Top 100 Stupid, Annoying, Aggrivated, Idiotic Songs To Have Ever Existed And We Wish These Songs Never Existed", so I'm like, "Ok, that's easy, 100-50 All the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync songs, 49-2, Anything by Celine Dion, and number 1 Who Let The Dog's Out, simple enough." BUT NOO!! These jackasses pick ACTUAL GOOD SONGS! I don't get it. They go on and on about how stupid songs like Phil Collin's "Sussudio" and a bunch of other ones I can't think of cause thinking about it makes me mad are and they ignore the actual bad ones, like the ones I listed. Makes me want to find the people who come up with these shows and punch them in the stomach.
Anyway, On this Funniest Moments one, they put in a bunch of good ones. I forget all 50 but they talked about The Blues Brothers, Weird Al, Spinal Tap, and any song featured on Saturday Night Live, just to name a few. So I decided that if I had access to a CD Burner (Stupid Dell for not understanding what I said) I'd make my own Funny CD, and not only feature songs but stand up comedy bits. And I shall list those now:
1. Lewis Black-IHOP: I think Lewis Black is one funny mofo, but the funniest and memorable thing he ever said was when he went to IHOP and while eating the pancakes with the 20 different syrups and chugging the gallon of coffee they give you, he heard a girl talk behind him and she said "If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have finished that year in collage" and he couldn't figure out what the FUCK (he uses "Fuck" a lot in his act) that meant and thinking about it will give you an anyerism (sp).
2. Denis Leary-Asshole: You know if Denis Leary is gonna do a song it's gonna be slightly offensive. Especially with a line that goes "I park in handicap spaces while handicap people make handicap faces."
3. Anything by Mitch Hedburg- Just read his stuff here and try NOT to laugh.
4. Chris Rock-No Sex In The Champaine Room: In 1999 there was some song/whatever called "Don't Forget To Wear Sunscreen", which was some dude saying some odd bits of advice while a beat was playing. Chris Rock spoofed this in "No Sex In The Champaine Room" and offers his own advice and insight on things: "If a girl has a tongue ring, she will most likely suck your dick. If a guy has a tongue ring, he'll most likely suck your dick." and when he's reading horoscopes he mentions Gemini's: "Gemini-You're gonna die TWICE!". And he says the Cornbread line in the subject heading, and i don't really get it but the way he says it is just hilarious.
5. Dane Cook-Hey Kool-Aid!: I first heard/saw this on Shorties Watching Shorty's (Or Shorty's Watching Shorties, I'm not sure which way it is). It's Dane Cook talking about the Kool-Aid commericals where kids would be in the house and suddenly the Kool-Aid man would burst in saying "OH YEAH! OH YEAH!" and the kids would drink is blood. He said he didn't like the fact he'd just break into people's house, breaking their walls and shit. "OH YEAH! You ruined a perfectly nice home. What am I going to tell my dad when he gets home? A large pitcher of Kool-Aid with red tights broke in here?" It's funnier when he says it. OH YEAH!
6. The Bloodhound Gang-I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks: This is a funny song cause they're basically saying the best way to get women is to pretend you gay and soon enough they'll trust you enough where you can "get into their panties" (to quote from the song). If I didn't meet Felicia when I did, I was probably gonna test this theory out myself.
7. Jeremy Hotz-Canada Invades Turkey: This is one of my favorite bits from "Shorties Watching Shortys". Plus I seen this when it was originally on Jeremy's stand up special. He talks about Canada, where he's from, being the most quiet country in the world, and as a result they should stun the world by taking over a country, like Turkey. My favorite part: "We're taking over. And we're calling it Chicken, you assholes!".
8. From Mystery Science Theater 3000-The Canada Song: Or as they call it "I Wish I Was Back In Old Canada". While watching the extremely Canadian (?) movie "The Final Sacrifice", Mike and Crow say some bad things about Canada, but Tom Servo, dressed like a Mountie, defends it by singing a song. When Mike and Crow further insult Canada and make Servo insult it, he does but he tends to go a bit too far. "I wish I was BLOWING UP Prince Edward Island! Going on to BOMB Ontario!...Just where the hell does Canada get off with sharing a border with a country far superior then it, why, you lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards, your country's just a lousy piece of shi-"
This is an awesome song.
9. Lewis Black-The End of The Universe: Another good one from Mr. Black, this time he says the End of The Universe is in some city in Texas. Why it's the end of the Universe? Cause in this town, there is a Starbucks...across the street from ANOTHER STARBUCKS! Only would The End of The Universe would such a thing exist. And to prove this, the cover the album of the same name features a picture of the two Starbucks across from each other.
10. Jerry Seinfeld-Airport Bathrooms: From his CD/DVD "I'm Telling You For The Last Time", he talks about the sinks in airport bathrooms and how the water faucets are those really stupid ones where you push down then when you let go it turns off, so you gotta keep pushing it to get the water, which is a pain in the ass when you have a hand full of soap. Then he says "Why do they do this? Are they afraid that business men are gonna be like 'Turn all the water faucets on full blast, then RUN!!' and while they're flying to their business meeting in Ohio, the bathroom floods and they have a good laugh about it.

I'd put more if I was making this CD but I'll stop at 10. Plus it's hard to keep thinking of more. I think this would be one funny CD if I could make this. And feel free if you wanna make it. Good luck tracking them down though.